So it’s been a few weeks since I wrote anything. I know,  I’m am a bad blogger.

 

What has been going on in the world of my newly opened relationship you might very well ask. Well . . .

 

So we continued working through the exercises in the ethical slut. These have really really helped. Largely by getting us in to the habit of talking about things, whether they’re big or little. I wouldn’t say they’re perfect. We still squabble a little and in the first few weeks had some fairly major blow-ups as we both tried to shift to this new way of thinking. I’ll be honest and say I that I think David has had much more to change than I have, but I’ve also learned things. Some of it I already knew but wasn’t very good at putting in to practice. Some of it is completely revolutionary.

 

Example: I already knew that I should describe my feelings using “I” statements. “I feel angry that you didn’t discuss that with me.” Rather than “You’re so insensitive, why didn’t you discuss that with me?” But what I hadn’t really understood previously is the reasoning behind that. It’s about taking responsibility for your emotions. No-one makes you feel angry, you have a choice whether you feel angry at their actions. To say that someone else made you feel something is disempowering and you deny yourself the opportunity to change how you feel and be happier.

 

Two weeks ago (and it seems far longer than that) I went to see my friend Rob in Bristol. Rob and I used to date several years ago, we were both doing the open thing, there wasn’t really any commitment, but when he happened to be in Manchester we’d meet up. David and I discussed it all, we agreed I was fine to play with rob or anyone else at his party and off I went. I was planning on coming back on the Saturday but got a message from another friend Lee saying he was unexpectedly at home that weekend and did I want to pop over to Bath while I was in that neck of the woods and see him. I spent the Saturday afternoon and evening in the pub with him and his two awesome housemates.

 

As the evening wore on and Lee and I got progressively more drunk, it started to seem like a good idea to just come out and tell Lee that I have had a crush on him for months. I eventually plucked up the courage as we were walking back to his (the housemates having left us earlier) and to my entire shock, he turned round and said he found me very attractive and I was “awesome to talk to”, which I count as a real compliment. Some rather chaste kissing followed, then and on Sunday afternoon before I came home and we left it that he and I would both speak to our respective partners about working out what was ok and would work given our busy schedules and geographic separation.

 

David was initially a little thrown by it, but he’s come round to the idea. I raised the question of polyamory vs open relationship. Loosely I’d say the difference is with an open relationship you can sleep with other people but have no real attachment outside of the relationship and with polyamory you have multiple loving relationships which may be of different intensities. David said that he was only really interested in an open relationship and wasn’t comfortable with the idea of multiple relationships. We did however agree on a set of behaviours which we were both happy with.

 

Since then things have changed a bit, largely due to us going to a kink play party last weekend. Early on in the afternoon David and I both played with a girl called Nic, she and I went down on eachother, then David had sex with her. Later on David went had sex with a girl called Sarah. Since then they’ve been texting and seem to be getting on fairly well. The two experiences have led to David changing his mind on polyamory. He’s decided that he doesn’t really fancy emotionless sex and would prefer to do things with people he actually cares about. Which suits me because I feel similar. Now he’s even talking about going for dinner with Sarah and I think I’m ok with that. I may have to find someone to go for dinner with myself 😀